The Truth of Adoption … From a Jana’s perspective

 

 Life, I just do not understand fully. But who does? My brain is always on a train rolling like the waves of the sea. The energy of pain and healing . It’s pretty simply amazing how it can take a toll. The thoughts, questions, quotes that stand out… it’s very reminding of how we are all different and the same.  As I’m working through my birth dad’s death on December 15, 2025; it has been a roller coaster of emotions. It’s the same but different as just three years ago my adopted dad grew his wings on August 17, 2022. One named me and gave me the brown eyes everyone knows me for, plus he named me Jana … Hebrew for gift from God . Here I was born five days after my birth dad’s birthday. But my brother and I were adopted together on Papa John ’s birthday. The feelings of pain and love carry through both stories. Through life and death, I continue to raise my spiritual awareness due to the humbleness of humanity . I believe that there’s a reason for everything. Each I had time w...

 — So when you think about the here and now? What do you see and feel? I wonder all the time how each WHAT IF could affect me, my home and family. To this day ever since I was young we were taught to forgive and love others. How many times have you affected someone today… with an act or word of kindness and compassion?  I do not remember every single word I’ve spoken through the day but I do know and remember to smile and speak with kindness. I am grateful that I have the opportunity to be the seed in a world of such bitter truths.  To be honest my opinion on life may have become a little bit distorted through the years but my heart and soul are always ready and open for a blessing in everything because life comes balanced. Without light there’s no balance to hold our lives together during the dark..  I have been hurt by so many. I’ve felt abandoned and forgotten. I’ve felt alone and lost. But I’ve also come to realize that without those lists of losts I’ve never bee...

 I never know when to answer a question.. is it meant t be serious or joke…  When I hear someone struggling I jump in and try to help where ever I can. Usually its not how I can because so many need or want more than I can give. I am tired. I work full time and care for my toddler daughter; yes she’s a wild child.. but truly is yours not?  I often wonder am I doing this right, or is there another way to handle this mommy life? Mommy this and mommy that, but you got four other people calling your name for assistance in their life because no one understands anymore you gotta work to get what you want! Life at home isn’t always easy either, sometimes you gotta work hard to be happy enough to get all the chores done because you know no one else will have the motivation. wh can’t more see the pain of the women these days; young and older. I miss the man who raised me from age 8 to 18. a whole ten years gone, his wife don’t care; she’s got a new life, new man, and no kids to wo...

 Here I sit and ponder my thoughts  The ones I’ve always kept held down The quieter they are the easier I can dodge  The ugly, filthy remembers…  I look at what’s around me…  My beautiful daughter that I created from a cell To a man who chose to have a life with me…  The father to my daughter… a fact.  I am happy that’s a fact  I am at peace with my life…  Nothing to I have to fight against no more Because here I am healed, made new…  I am Mama I am Baby I am Cute I am Beautiful  I am Creative  I am Pure  I am Love Here I stand and say I am ME and that’s a fact. 

  I am Jana, born 2/20/02. I am now gonna be 21 in a few weeks here. I feel that in life I’ve learned to not be one to share details. I feel that from the time I was born to the first time they brought Zach home and his big head and bold eyes… same ones My daughter had when she was born… to the day he told be some things he couldn’t tell anyone else… then the lies and physical fights took place. I remember the gasoline and lighter and me screaming and crying begging them to stop… yelling at Zach to go out side the back door… to the times all we had to eat was dry cereal so I started to bring home my fruit or desert everyday after school for him to eat… I honestly don’t know if he remembers any of it because at the time Zach was only saying Sissy. He was learning how to swing and that same swing set I got to finally say goodbye  to in 2020 and not it’s no longer there. That swing was our safe spot. Anyway, soon after he turned 4 first our dads mom died unexpectedly then within ...

 Not everything or anyone is permanent. Some are lucky and what they once lost… had to consider dead because it made it easier to let the nights and days and years all blend together like on a canvas of multiple colors. Some are lucky because there are some things that just don’t deserve to have you back.  For years people of all authorities would constantly tell me  “Jana it’s not your fault…”  But everything I did with a loving caring gentle honest heart somehow turned to cause more damage.  For instance photos I found that got lost in my brothers and my past life photos… those weren’t mine. I returned them to the right owner of those memories. But I was looked at like a fake thief. With so much doubt that I could be a good person. It rang so loudly.   There are so many things sentimental to me that I’m glad I kept since I was first sent to a different home then town then city then in the middle of fucking no where that was the most happy place on ea...

  I honestly don’t know what to write about so I’m just going to speak as my brain travels down the roads of my mind…   I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee..what do I see? I see a cup of fresh brewed coffee and truly also a tea. Think about it… hot water, solid substance, combined creating a fresh dark caffeinated beverage?? Sounds amazing right? For me I love the bitter taste coffee gives…it’s more awakening. I also love it cold, hot, with milk or without…you can honestly use coffee as a base for any magical creation to share with others while talking about how busy life is. Enjoying the company of just a normal human being.  You ever just think about how certain people are more enjoyable than others? We all have those people that are either too much of a bore or too much energy. Me I find myself enjoying sitting alone. Because my brain is so creative as I get these ideas and thoughts flowing all as one creating a world of reality. I am enough sometimes for myself...

  Why was I adopted?  Many should be aware of the uprise in hard cold drug usage everywhere, especially here on the range. If you have heard of the Iron Range, you probably heard ‘drugs’ in that same conversation. The realty of the difficult lives here on the range only become more real hearing from an individual who has had to suffer through the real challenges of living on the Iron Range. This is the story on how the use of substances caused my adoption My biological mother Jamie Elaine Olson is an example of how it starts and how it can be beat but its easier said than done. When she was in her mid teens she started her journey with just being curious about  Methamphetamine after being on A dderall for her ADHD. There being a more intense feeling, she became obsessed with wanting that same high she got the first time. This lead to the  extreme  amounts used of other drugs too along with  alcohol. For almost twenty years she actively fought the ...

    My adopted name is Jana Holiday Hays. My birth name is Jana Elaine Olson. I was born on  February 20, 2002.  I am now nineteen years old and living a quiet life as a janitor. I have four beautiful male cats Chico, Chase, Charlie, and Salem. We live in a basement studio apartment in Virginia, Minnesota. I was born on the range but grew up with my adopted family twenty-five miles north of Grand Rapids, Minnesota. When  I  turned 18,  I  moved out to try and  reconnect  with my biological family.  I am a just a girl trying to make a life on my own… creating the next part of my story.  I  have a little brother who was born on September 12, 2004. His name is Zachery Garshwiler Hays but his birth name was Zachery Stephen Olson.  At this moment he is still under the care of our adopted parents John and Julie Holiday Hays. He moved out to a shelter three months ago in Grand Rapids Minnesota. They could not give him the at...